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November 2017
Kilgore Korner
Barry Winstead M.Div, M.A., LMFT
Clinical Director, Kilgore Samaritan Counseling Center

A Letter of Recommendation

“Are we beginning to commend ourselves again? Or do we need, like some people, letters of recommendation to you or from you? You yourselves are our letter, written on our hearts, known and read by everyone. You show that you are a letter from Christ, the result of our ministry, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts.” 2 Corinthians 3:1-3 (NIV)

Have you ever thought about yourself as a living breathing letter of recommendation formed in the very heart of God? God recommends you! That’s what I hear Paul saying in the verses above, and that’s what his ministry was about – making sure people understood that God was relentlessly for them. And once understood and absorbed, they could not help but reflect that “letter of recommendation” to others. When we know how loved we are, we naturally reflect that love in all that we do and we become “a letter from Christ” to the world.

The reality is I don’t always feel or think I am “a letter from Christ.” There is so much in this world that can cause us to doubt God’s endorsement of us, but it does not change the endorsement. That is what we are about at Kilgore – endorsing people – no matter what you have been through, what you might be thinking, or what you might be feeling, consider yourself endorsed!

If you, someone you care about, or a relationship needs help through any of life’s challenges, feel free to give us a call at (502) 327-4622, or email me at bwinstead@kilgorecounseling.org to get connected. We are thankful for our partnership with Second Presbyterian, and thankful for your support of Kilgore Samaritan Counseling Center!

Peace, Barry



October 2017
Kilgore Korner
Barry Winstead M.Div, M.A., LMFT
Clinical Director, Kilgore Samaritan Counseling Center

“Positive Sentiment Override”

If we are honest, to varying degrees, I think most of us like to hear people say good things about us. We need to know and feel that we are loved, respected, appreciated, and that we really matter to somebody. As it turns out, this is a vital ingredient in healthy relationships, something the nation’s premier relationship expert (John Gottman Ph.D) calls “positive sentiment override.” In fact, he even put a number on it suggesting that for every negative interaction it takes five positive interactions to set things right. This tells us we need to be spending WAY more time engaging in positivity (whatever that might be) with one another. Otherwise, we can fall into what he calls “negative sentiment override” where we lose a basic sense of trust and respect for one another and disconnect altogether.

Ok, so you’re saying to yourself, well that’s pretty obvious, but my challenge/question in response to that is. How obvious is it? I don’t know about you, but 5 positive to 1 negative is something I have to be intentional about. We cannot expect to be perfect with one another, so elimination of the negative is not possible. However, with work it is possible to stay in “positive sentiment override” so that your “relationship account” can withstand those inevitable withdrawals.

If you, someone you care about, or a relationship needs help through any of life’s challenges, feel free to give us a call at (502) 327-4622, or email me at bwinstead@kilgorecounseling.org to get connected. Thank you for your support of Kilgore Samaritan Counseling Center!

Peace, Barry
 
Friendship is the source of the greatest pleasures, and without friends even the most agreeable pursuits become tedious.
– Thomas Aquinas –
 
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