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August 2018
Kilgore Korner
Barry Winstead M.Div, M.A., LMFT
Clinical Director, Kilgore Samaritan Counseling Center

What We’ve Been Up To

I hope your summer has been a season of rest, relaxation, and recreation! For this edition of Kilgore Korner I wanted to pause for a moment from our series on family resilience and give you a glimpse into the many different ways Kilgore is meeting a broad range of needs in our community.

You are likely aware that we provide outpatient counseling to all ages dealing with all sorts of challenges from more individually-situated problems such as depression and anxiety, to relationally-situated problems such as marital conflict, parenting, and many others. But you may not be aware of our partnerships offsite that have given us the opportunity to broaden the scope and reach of our services. One our clinicians, Jim McGee, initiated a partnership with the Louisville Nature Center to offer a series of therapeutic music groups as part of their summer programming. Jim is gifted musician and does a great job of integrating music into the therapeutic process. This past school year he provided a similar service to students at The West End School. Debbie Edds, our clinical psychologist also serves The West End School through psychological testing, consulting, and staff training. Additionally, since September of 2017 two of our clinicians, Michelle Holbrook and Tommy Terwilliger, have been facilitating group and individual therapy for women at The Healing Place, a residential facility for those recovering from substance use. We are hopeful about expanding these services to the men’s program at The Healing Place. Lastly, in partnership with Eastern Area Community Ministries Tommy facilitates a monthly wellness workshop for their program participants.

As you can see, we are busy, and we love it that way! If you have a need, or know of a need that Kilgore could help meet, please let me know. I would love to hear from you! You can call me at (502) 327-4622, or email me at bwinstead@kilgorecounseling.org.

Peace, Barry

May 2018
Kilgore Korner
Barry Winstead M.Div, M.A., LMFT
Clinical Director, Kilgore Samaritan Counseling Center

Spring has finally arrived! Although, as soon I say that watch us have a snow shower in June. Another sign of Spring’s arrival is the Kilgore House and Garden Tour! We hope you are making plans to attend the tour which is set for Saturday, May 19, and Sunday, May 20. Your support of this event makes it possible for us to continue doing what we do best – providing quality, wholistic, non-judgmental, faith-sensitive mental healthcare to the Louisville community.

Family Resilience

Last month I asked the question, “what is a healthy family and what makes such a family able to withstand disruptive life challenges?” This is a question of resilience, and I introduced you to the work of Froma Walsh, a professor at the University of Chicago who is looking at this, and offers a framework for understanding family resilience.

Walsh suggests the first key process in family resilience is a shared system of beliefs that characterizes how people in the family make sense of the world and adversity. She points to 3 things within that shared systems of beliefs that set apart families who successfully navigate challenges. First, they are able to gradually make meaning of adversity as a team, rather than fragment and isolate from one another. Second, even in the midst of trauma and chaos there is a hopeful and positive outlook that pervades the system. This does not mean that painful and difficult emotions are not allowed, but the resilient family places emphasis on courage, encouragement, acceptance, perseverance, and affirmation of strengths and potential. Lastly, the resilient family shares a sense of transcendence and spirituality, which is usually situated within a larger faith community and tradition. That faith community and tradition provides the family with beliefs and purpose that not only keep them afloat in times of crisis, but helps move them forward to transform adversity into healing and opportunity.

I hope this series connects with you in some way, and I want to thank you for your support of Kilgore Samaritan Counseling Center! Feel free to call us at (502) 327-4622, or email me at bwinstead@kilgorecounseling.org for more information or to get connected with help.

Peace, Barry

April 2018
Kilgore Korner
Barry Winstead M.Div, M.A., LMFT
Clinical Director, Kilgore Samaritan Counseling Center

First, Kilgore would like to extend a big “THANK YOU” to all involved in our recent endeavor into new fundraising territory through our first ever style show. It was a sold out success! However, I’m told the fashion world was just not prepared for the new talent discovered in Pastor Steve Jester, and designers are scrambling to have him wear their clothes. Good luck to Steve in managing the demands of being a Pastor/Model!

Resilience

What is a healthy family and what makes them able to withstand disruptive life challenges? A tough question with a lot of complexities and layers, but one I believe worth asking ourselves and one another as we strive to be healthy and create healthy communities. Froma Walsh, a professor at the University of Chicago, focuses on the subject of family resilience, and has some important findings to offer us. Over the next few months I will be unpacking some of what she has discovered.

For this issue, I would simply like to introduce you to the three domains she has identified as “Key Processes in Family Resilience,” and let you chew on them a bit before we unpack them one at time in subsequent issues. The first is a shared system of beliefs that characterizes how people in the family make sense of the world and adversity. The second key process involves organizational patterns such as how close, supportive, or distant people feel towards one another and their extended family and the larger community. Lastly, the process of communication and problem-solving involves how effective, meaningful, and efficient communication and problem-solving is in the family.

Clearly much more to be said, and I hope I have at least stimulated your appetite to learn more. On a more concrete day-to-day level we engage in these key processes with families every day here at Kilgore, and it is your support that allows us to do so. Thank you for your support of Kilgore Samaritan Counseling Center! Feel free to call us at (502) 327-4622, or email me at bwinstead@kilgorecounseling.org for more information or to get connected with help.

Peace, Barry

February 2018
Kilgore Korner
Barry Winstead M.Div, M.A., LMFT
Clinical Director, Kilgore Samaritan Counseling Center

The Growth Formula

I believe one of the consequences of the polarized culture within which we live can be an atmosphere of palpable tension at all levels of relationship. From top to bottom or bottom to top, whether in public or private spheres of our lives, the subtle influence on our souls is to walk around a bit more guarded and ready for defense and confrontation, instead of being open to and seeking out opportunities to show care.

In my seminary training in pastoral care and counseling I learned a formula that has stuck with me to this day. Howard Clinebell, a pastoral counseling professor and author who died in 2005, called it “The Growth Formula.” Here it is:

Caring + Confrontation = Growth

When there is too much confrontation and not enough care in any system the result is guardedness, defensiveness, suspicion, resentment, and isolation. Conversely, when there is too much care and not enough confrontation chaos ensues, and strange as it may seem, people experience some of the same emotions as described above. The point is that both are needed for mature, healthy, and meaningful relationships and growth.

When talking about mature growth and relationships in his letter to the Ephesians the Apostle Paul put it this way, “Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ. From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.” (Eph. 4: 15 – 16).

If you need help with any part of “The Growth Formula,” we can come along side and help get things back into balance for you and your family! Call us at (502) 327-4622, or email me at bwinstead@kilgorecounseling.org to get connected. We are thankful for your support of Kilgore Samaritan Counseling Center!

Peace, Barry


December 2017
Kilgore Korner
Barry Winstead M.Div, M.A., LMFT
Clinical Director, Kilgore Samaritan Counseling Center

Thomas Merton: The Surest Sign

As I write this I am at the mercy of a nasty virus, and though I try not to take on the “man-cold syndrome,” I feel pretty awful. The weakness I feel reminded me of my limitations, and of my need to just let healing take its course sometimes. This brought to mind some of Merton’s words about weakness and “poverty” as a reminder of our dependence on God.

“If we know how great is the love of Jesus for us we will never be afraid to go to Him in all our poverty, all our weakness, all our spiritual wretchedness and infirmity. Indeed, when we understand the true nature of His love for us, we will prefer to come to Him poor and helpless. We will never be ashamed of our distress. Distress is to our advantage when we have nothing to seek but mercy. We can be glad of our helplessness when we really believe that His power is made perfect in our infirmity.

“The surest sign that we have received a spiritual understanding of God’s love for us is the appreciation of our own poverty in light of His infinite mercy.”

If you, someone you care about, or a relationship is in distress, don’t keep in concealed. There is hope and healing! Call us at (502) 327-4622, or email me at bwinstead@kilgorecounseling.org to get connected. We are thankful for your support of Kilgore Samaritan Counseling Center!

Peace, Barry


November 2017
Kilgore Korner
Barry Winstead M.Div, M.A., LMFT
Clinical Director, Kilgore Samaritan Counseling Center

A Letter of Recommendation

“Are we beginning to commend ourselves again? Or do we need, like some people, letters of recommendation to you or from you? You yourselves are our letter, written on our hearts, known and read by everyone. You show that you are a letter from Christ, the result of our ministry, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts.” 2 Corinthians 3:1-3 (NIV)

Have you ever thought about yourself as a living breathing letter of recommendation formed in the very heart of God? God recommends you! That’s what I hear Paul saying in the verses above, and that’s what his ministry was about – making sure people understood that God was relentlessly for them. And once understood and absorbed, they could not help but reflect that “letter of recommendation” to others. When we know how loved we are, we naturally reflect that love in all that we do and we become “a letter from Christ” to the world.

The reality is I don’t always feel or think I am “a letter from Christ.” There is so much in this world that can cause us to doubt God’s endorsement of us, but it does not change the endorsement. That is what we are about at Kilgore – endorsing people – no matter what you have been through, what you might be thinking, or what you might be feeling, consider yourself endorsed!

If you, someone you care about, or a relationship needs help through any of life’s challenges, feel free to give us a call at (502) 327-4622, or email me at bwinstead@kilgorecounseling.org to get connected. We are thankful for our partnership with Second Presbyterian, and thankful for your support of Kilgore Samaritan Counseling Center!

Peace, Barry


October 2017
Kilgore Korner
Barry Winstead M.Div, M.A., LMFT
Clinical Director, Kilgore Samaritan Counseling Center

“Positive Sentiment Override”

If we are honest, to varying degrees, I think most of us like to hear people say good things about us. We need to know and feel that we are loved, respected, appreciated, and that we really matter to somebody. As it turns out, this is a vital ingredient in healthy relationships, something the nation’s premier relationship expert (John Gottman Ph.D) calls “positive sentiment override.” In fact, he even put a number on it suggesting that for every negative interaction it takes five positive interactions to set things right. This tells us we need to be spending WAY more time engaging in positivity (whatever that might be) with one another. Otherwise, we can fall into what he calls “negative sentiment override” where we lose a basic sense of trust and respect for one another and disconnect altogether.

Ok, so you’re saying to yourself, well that’s pretty obvious, but my challenge/question in response to that is. How obvious is it? I don’t know about you, but 5 positive to 1 negative is something I have to be intentional about. We cannot expect to be perfect with one another, so elimination of the negative is not possible. However, with work it is possible to stay in “positive sentiment override” so that your “relationship account” can withstand those inevitable withdrawals.

If you, someone you care about, or a relationship needs help through any of life’s challenges, feel free to give us a call at (502) 327-4622, or email me at bwinstead@kilgorecounseling.org to get connected. Thank you for your support of Kilgore Samaritan Counseling Center!

Peace, Barry
 
The hardest and longest journey we all travel is a mere 18 inches – the heart and mind.
– Anonymous –
 
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